The Cabbage Patch Gurl

Today as we talked to a pediatric oncology patient, my thoughts drifted faraway…

Imagine if the positions were reversed and I was lying in this frail 22-year-old’s bed in his place, with him standing above me with a team of doctors.  Imagine if I was the one feeling feverish, nauseated, and in pain, with bleeding gums and diarrhea.  Imagine if I were the one who was told that I had anaplastic large cell lymphoma for the third time over and that all we could do was hope that this new treatment would work.  Imagine if I was the one looking up at him from that bed, with silent eyes that were begging him to find some way to make me feel better. 

“You’re so healthy,” I would think, as I lie there looking at him standing in his shining white coat.  “You’re so very healthy and I hope you really do cherish that.  I hope you work hard to achieve your goals in life and I hope that every dream you’ve ever dreamt comes true for you.  Did you say that you once dreamt of reducing the suffering and pain of others, of healing the ill, of giving hope to those who have no hope?  Well then I hope you use every ounce of good health that you have in you to do it.  Because that’s what life is – the celebration of people doing good things for each other.  I can’t do anything for you now – look at how little I can do for myself! But I can let you know that I’m counting on you.  We’re all counting on you actually – you have the energy, the means, the ambition to do something special for us.  So then what are you waiting for, what are you wasting time for?  The path is laid out and there are lights all along the way.  Each step of the way has been spelt out for you and there are people cheering you on at the sidelines.  Then really, what are you waiting for?  Time’s running out, don’t you see that?  Just do it!”

Generosity never ceases to amaze me. There’s a special person here, and I told him he was like a big brother to me – my Veerji (which means big brother, in Punjabi). His med school subscribes to Kaplan so they can order review books every year for usmle exams. When he heard that I was studying for this exam, he ordered a fresh new set of books for me, and this morning he passed them to me.

It brings tears to my eyes – the 7 brand new books sit near my little puja corner, ready to be used in their full capacity. My heart hurts when I think that someone I’ve only known for two weeks has it in his heart to give me such a precious gift of knowledge. It’s not something I could ever return, but perhaps one day I will get the chance to pass it on to another person and give them the same hope that he gave me today.

Certainly, the biggest tragedy in life is the person who knows exactly where he wants to go and has a map of the entire journey, along with the means of getting to his destination, but doesn’t end up making it just because he didn’t give his ambitions enough priority.

There are so many people who just want me get through this exam and to be satisfied with whatever effort I put in it in the end. That’s really all that matters now – it’s really not about results, it’s really not about where it’ll get me. It’s all about me realizing that this really is my only priority for the next three weeks – I can’t spend the present worrying about the past or the future – there’s just too much to do in the present, too many more things to get done in order to make the present as fulfilling as possible!