Why am I so noncommittal? I wonder sometimes… for someone who’s been in med school for three whole years, and been interested in the medical area for about a decade now - I am amazingly wishywashy about what I really want to be!
Maybe it’s because I never grew up with a clearly defined concept of what a doctor is. I didn’t realize when I first wanted to be one that there were so many types of doctors you could be. I guess I must’ve assumed years ago that you learn to be a master of everything - you become some kinda amazing person who can treat people both medically and surgically, who can be there at the scene of disaster but also manage terminally-ill patients at other times, who can treat babies, old people, teenagers, women – everything, everyone, everywhere. I really did grow up thinking that’s what a doctor was – I didn’t know any better. I could probably count on my fingers how many med students or doctors I knew prior to starting med school. And no, I didn’t even get round to watching the medical shows on TV for some reason – maybe that might’ve helped. The first time it really hit me that I had to decide on something more specific was actually in the past year. Which meant suddenly having to redefine everything I’d been assuming for the nine years prior to that.
But even after a whole year in the hospital, I don’t feel too much closer to knowing. Oddly though, I feel like the answer is staring at me straight in the face. I wish I’d figure it out already, it would make my job of choosing a research project for this year a hell of a lot easier!! I wouldn’t be meeting a surgeon one minute and a pediatric oncologist the next, only to move on to infectious disease and cardiology.
There is no end to the amazing stuff going on over here – do I want to help with the latest immunological miracle drug for advanced stage cancers, or do I want to help with choosing the best tests to diagnose certain oppotunistic infections in people with AIDS, or perhaps help with a clinical trial for cancer vaccines so that kids who got cancers in the past will have a chance to live cancer-free once they’re cured, or maybe figure out pancreatic cancer cell targets for a more effective chemotherapeutic cure? Everything is way too cool! Can’t I just do it all?!
Sigh! Decide already! Commit already!!!
